“Can we all just get along?”

We Agree!

The world of social media is such a blessing but it can be just the opposite. If you are so inclined, please walk with me as we discuss social media communication. I will attempt to be a good listener and hopefully I will say something you might find helpful. After all, they say even a broken clock is right twice a day.

While the quantity of components included in communication vary depending on who you are reading, I am addressing the process referred to as “encoding”–how I take my thoughts and put them into a message for others to read.

I do have my own beliefs and feelings about the current discussions including such polarizing topics as Black Lives Matter, Covid-19, and the governmental responses to it. But as social media is not lacking for more opinions, I will reserve that for now. Amidst all of the controversy, it seems that there is consensus about one thing. There are many messages that are communicated in a hurtful way.

We can't agree about everything!

It has been said that if two people agree about everything, one of them isn’t necessary. So if you think you have found someone with whom you agree about everything, ask them if they agree about who should pull the trigger:)

Unfortunately, we have all seen posts that would be a perfect fit to replace the text in this picture.

Disagreeing isn't the problem!

I know some people hate conflict and their blood pressure goes up when they hear people discuss the varying points of view. But it is healthy for us to disagree–if we actually listen to the person with whom we are not in accord. Studies have shown that increasing the number of participants in searching for a solution increases the likelihood to come up with the best one.

In our current discussions, if I am convinced that I have a corner on “the truth”, I am closed to learning anything new which takes the “co” out of communication.

There is an identity crisis

I have noticed that there is what I am calling an identity crisis in social media. Just like a baby who is crying for the pain caused by them pulling their own hair, many of us have not distinguished our thoughts, opinions, and feeling from ourselves. So when someone disagrees with with our thoughts, opinions, or feelings–we feel attacked and then the fight is on.

I would encourage us to remember that our thoughts, opinions, and feelings are not us and they are not static. They are always changing–which is a part of the growing and maturing process. Let’s not hold on to those emotions and beliefs so tightly that they become more important than our relationships.

The Story Behind this URL

Notinittowinit.com (Not in it to win it). Now those of you who know me best are aware that there are few people you know who love competition more than me. Even at 64, I still jump and dive when playing volleyball. I was playing with some friends at work last year–and, of course, was the oldest player. A couple of the guys ran into each other on my team, and they were asked if they had gotten hurt. I kindly reminded them, if they get hurt, they can heal. But they will never get back the point they lost. The wife of one of those players corrected me, saying–“Look, you’ve already lived your life…”

I was listening to a talk by Andy Stanley recently–the title of which was “We’re not in it to win it”. Regardless if you agree with his conclusions or not, it hit me between the eyes that most of life we view as a competition. “How does my car/house etc. compare with someone else?” “My student/dad etc. is better than yours.” Applying that to our current context–because of my superior knowledge or experience, etc. my thought, opinion, or feeling is better than yours and I will do whatever I can to prove you wrong.

Let's Change our Focus

It certainly seems to me that Jesus had a different focus. Who would have more truth behind Him if He were to say–“My dad is better than yours”, or “You ought to see my house!”. While it is true that he challenged us to seek the truth and believe certain things, it appears to me that his focus was on following and loving–which are inextricably related. As Jesus said, the main way people will know you follow me is by the way you demonstrate love towards others (Steve’s paraphrase).

How do the people who don’t look like us or believe like us experience us? Do they feel that love or do we use our “knowledge” as a weapon to beat them into submission? There is a better way.

Though it isn’t a perfect fit, I think that song by B.J. Thomas from way back in 1979 can be a great reminder–“Using Things and Loving People”.

My prayer is that these thoughts would encourage each of us to re-focus on what is truly important.

I plan to post some additional thoughts each weekend.